Open Windows

Turn your gaze/ To heaven and raise/ A joyous noise/ The sound of salvation come/ The sound of rescued ones/ And all this for a King/ Angels join to sing/ All for Christ our King/ How infinite and sweet/ This love so rescuing/ O, how infinitely sweet/ This great love that has redeemed/ As one we sing

Alleluia
Alleluia
He is Holy
He is Holy

The wind whipped these beautiful words around the front seat of my Toyota this morning as I drove through sunny, blue-skied Greenville. They seemed to explode from my own heart. 

I've been rescued. I've been redeemed. 

I tend to live in this state of perpetual need for acceptance from God. But, oh the joy when the Holy Spirit reminds of the amount of my sin and depth of evil in my heart. Oh the joy when I re-realize I can't do anything to make up for all the bad things i've done.  Oh the joy when he turns my face to Jesus, who tells me (yet again) about his excruciating suffering, short death, and forever life for every.singe.sin. Oh the joy that squeezes my heart when I hear the words rescued, forgiven, released, loved, never alone. 

Because of my conquering King, the thought of my inability to change anything about my heart doesn't overwhelm and sadden me- it unbinds me. It humbles me. It inspires me. 

I'm Free. 

I'm free to enjoy all of life. I'm free to have joy during sorrow, during change, during uncertainty, during difficulty, during mundane tasks, during exciting times, and during happy moments.

This weekend I get to experience joy in spending time in Charleston with my lover. Since I have a shoot in the city on Saturday afternoon, we decided to make a trip of it. I feel like my eight year old self, knowing that a week long beach trip is just around the corner, barely able to contain my excitement as I rush around to pack my favorite swimsuits and summer clothes.

Charleston has a soft, homey feel, like a kind old grandfather with wrinkles and aches and a smile that you know as well as your own. His middle is squishy and huggable and his laugh is sweet and contagious. He smells a little bit like pipe tobacco and the ocean and the wind.

This will probably be the last time we visit Charleston before we move. The thought pinches my heart. I'll miss that old place. 

The most common question I am asked about moving is 'Are you excited?' usually followed by 'Are you ready?'. My answer to both of these questions changes daily. Now that Kevin has finished school and we are officially moving (say whaaaat?!), I feel a little less anxious about the future. We are moving. The date is set, the plane tickets are sitting in our inbox, and our apartment is ready.  The next month and a half will be filled with every emotion known to human kind. I'm pretty much experiencing them all already so I guess i'll be well prepared. 

I feel ready to start this new chapter in our life. I'm excited about the future and excited about our new adventure. But today i'm happy to live in this moment. I'm happy to look around and see blue skies and sun and feel the dense humidity that defines southern summers. I'm happy to see my grandmother walking around outside, looking at each of the flowers that her and my grandfather have planted over the past several years. I'm happy to drive familiar roads and hear familiar sounds. 

Today as I drive those roads I'll feel the wind whip through the front seat of my Toyota and know that there in that moment, even in light of the past few weeks and knowing the chaos that is coming in the next few weeks, I am content. I am joyful. I am loved. I am not alone. I am free.